I have a confession
I'm having trouble with the blog lately, not just because of time issues and audience issues and persona issues and laziness issues. I have this entry that's been half-written for, like, two weeks, an entry about a laundromat. It was already a week old when I linked it mentally to my posts about kids or whatever last week. It was the third entry I was supposed to write, to get the blockage out of the way, to let loose! And it's not that stellar of an entry, and it's not that difficult, and I don't know why I don't just finish it already, or else just let it go. As it is it's just sitting there in the down-chute in my brain. Blocking things.
I think it's because I worked at the laundromat, and really it's kind of a drab place, and it just seems tiring to try to spend an adequate amount of attention on describing it for just the space of a paragraph or two that I'd need to for it to perform its function in my entry.
But the other problem is that I am trying to write an un-blog-related essay, which needs to be done by Monday, and this is the week where we're having a wedding reception, and OMIGOD, WE'RE HAVING A WEDDING RECEPTION, WITH ALL OUR FAMILIES, and it's in like a couple of days or something. When I talk to, say, Mrs. Pants, I feel excited! I'm having a party and Mrs. Pants is coming! But then one of us talks to a relative:
My Dad: So, your grandpa's brother, the one who has a PhD in aeronautics but does things like stand over a fire and pour gasoline on it from a can, assuming he'll be able to toss the can aside without burning himself, and who also is a Shriner? He invited himself. Is that okay?
K.'s Sister: So, your niece? She invited her boyfriend. He just got back from a year in Iraq and they met at a country music festival 6 months ago and he's 24 year's old and a truck driver. I'm worried about her...
My Brother: So, I realized today that all I have to wear are t-shirts and ripped jeans. Should I go shopping for something else? And also will anyone be freaked out by my 6-foot-three linebacker-esque black boyfriend?*
K.'s Mom, in an E-mail to me:We hope you received more responses back by the deadline.......did you ever hear from Sister or Grandma??? We stopped to see Aunt Sue, and she didn't think she would be down by you yet...still packing and trying to sell stuff by the highway that she doesn't want to move and doesn't have room for...... Did M. & T. respond??? It is getting closer isn't it!!!!
Yes. Yes, it most indubitably is.
*Tony, I'm so glad you & B. are coming!
posted by Evie P. @ 10:53:00 AM
9 Comments:
linebacker-esque?????
That's fabulous. I didn't know you had a homo brother.
And congratulations! I wish I was in town so that I could come (which assumes I'd be invited). I want to see the orchids and vases in action.
Tony: I know. Rhetoric is dumb. What should I have said? Fit and muscley? I was just trying to convey that we don't just mean ANY boyfriend, we mean serious Boyfriend, bar-exam-taking, tall, runner or whatever, boyfriend.
Sorry.
T.S.: yup. Totally homo. And thank you. And yes.
Congrats. I'm kinda blocking myself on a writing project too (which is, obviously, why I am here instead of WRITING MY PROJECT). But the wedding reception will be fun, really. Just keep in mind the golden rule of weddings, which is that something awful is guaranteed to happen. When it does, you can sigh and say, "ok, that was it" and then everything else will go smoothly.
And you'll have something funny to write about afterwards ;)
Thanks, Dr.B. Nice to see you. I like your new home.
b., you might take some comfort in the fact that, even if you had skipped the formalities, like P. and I did, some element of your family would probably have imposed various wedding traditions on you anyway, like P.'s mom and aunts did. Short version: we eloped, no reception, no announcements, no registration, nada. We said, "Don't get us any stuff," to family and friends. Over the next few months we proceeded to get random and hideous gifts from various family members. Then one day, P.'s mom and aunt held a surprise, post-marriage bridal shower, complete with gag gifts and a disgusting store-bought cake. (The cake was chocolate with chocolate icing -- my least favorite, and at that time I had a digestive illness that was triggered by certain foods, including chocolate cake of all things. Go figure. But I had to eat it because, well, P.'s mom looked so pleased with herself for getting what she THOUGHT was my favorite dessert.) Three months later, we were subjected to a surprise reception at an Italian restaurant. ALL the foods, and I mean all of them -- including the triple chocolate cake that was chosen especially for me because mom-in-law still thought that Chocolate cake was MY favorite -- were foods that triggered my digestive illness, but I had to eat them because it was all for me, the newest member of P.'s clan. So I did. And I was sitting on the toilet moaning in pain for hours that night as a result, cursing the in-laws and wishing diarrhea on all of them.
So, the moral of the story is, even people who duck out of stress-inducing wedding-type events have to suffer through bogus family b.s. eventually. You and K. will at least get to take your medicine (so to speak) on your own terms, with your own decorations, and your actual (as opposed to assumed) favorite foods.
Omigod, Body Mascot. Horrifying! "Mom in Laws": can't win! Like for my birthday last week? She sent me a pair of shirts off the rack from, like the juniors section. Uhm, I'm almost 30? And a teacher? And just yesterday, her e-mail was all like "oh, can I do anything to help?" And so I was like, Oh, you can give me advice about serving hamburger which we don't eat and she immediately wrote to Sister In Law: "I think B. doesn't know what to do about the picnic?" Uhm? I just asked you to try to suck up and pretend to ask your advice, so that you'd feel included? Total mistake, I guess!
Done venting. :)
How'd she get that total misconception about the chocolate cake anyhow?
Phil knows I like chocolate, and he knows I like cake, therefore he assumed chocolate cake to be my favorite kind and well-intentionedly spread the word.
My actual favorite is strawberry, which my own mother knows very well. :)
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