Not a bad horosocope, for a birthday, I guess

Dear Cancer! What a momentous, joyous month! You waited so long for July 2005 and now it's here! For two years, you've been beset with many new situations that you had to adjust to, and at the same time, had to endure quite a bit tension. You probably found it hard to relax. Saturn, the taskmaster planet that brought you this no-frills environment since June 2003, will leave this placement this month on July 16. Saturn will not return until 2032! This is truly cause for celebration!

In the weeks and months to come, your cloudy skies will clear and the sun will come out again. Your old self will gradually reemerge and your confidence will return. This period was not without benefits - you have matured enormously over the past two years, and you are now ready to handle anything life throws your way.

Saturn, the planet that prodded and pressed, tested and challenged you, also took away your illusions. Everyone has some, but now you look at life far more realistically. Saturn also strengthened your ability to work "as is," not as you wished it to be. The recent years had to have been very hard for you, for you are a highly sensitive sign.

The universe didn't create this situation for no reason. Saturn's job is to help you become more practical. In the process you were urged to reassess your talents and reformulate goals. Its effect was to launch you into a new arena.

You've proven yourself much stronger than you ever thought you were. Saturn periods are always marked by enormous work and little fun, but also great accomplishments. You are a much wiser, more mature person as a result.

What caught my eye is the June 2003 bit... June 2003, or just after, is when I unexpectedly got offered my job as an Assisstant Professor, and thus began my life as one of those who spend two hours daily in their cars, without time to exercise properly. Then a lot of other stuff happened, like an accidental screw-up with my salary, my funding line getting cancelled there, teaching failing to come through for me here. Also we had some exciting adventures in mental health, and the lack of it.

Well, good. If that was a learning period, from which I emerge stronger, that's fabulous. It's too bad the horoscope goes on to emphasize that though I'm now on the way to the top, I won't get any raises for a while, and will continue to be poor as dirt for another couple of years.

Happy birthday, Harrison Ford. You too, Patrick Stewart, Cheech Marin, and Fatboy Slim. Also, in memoriam, Julius Ceasar and Mr. Rubik, inventor of the puzzle and harbinger of the cube.