Epiphanic Addendum
I guess it bugs me that some people -- lots of people, paranoia would have me believe -- are just naturally better than me at something I have to work so hard at. Having authority, I mean. Running the classroom in a way that turns the students into well-oiled troops.
The amount of energy I've devoted to fretting about teaching, worrying about teaching, beating myself up about teaching, planning ways to be better, resenting feeling inadequate, etc. ... if bottled, that energy could power, for a night, a small city.
Yet I learn a lot from it, and there's the thrill of Can I do it this time? Will this be the time I get it all right? Plus, you just meet so many people. Plus, it's one of the few things I'm nominally qualified to do -- teaching, I mean.
I guess it's good to have a profession.
I do wish, often, that teaching involved more me simply dispensing my considerable wisdom through my fingertips, into the foreheads of eager acolytes. Alas, it's not so much this way. Which I guess keeps me humble. On my toes. And such.
Though it still gives me pause. What if my profession didn't involve so much fretting? What would I then be able to accomplish?
I don't know if the answer is "A lot" or if the answer is "less."
posted by Evie P. @ 10:37:00 AM
2 Comments:
Oh, I don't think that many people are "naturally" great teachers. I think most people have to work at it. And if they say they don't, they're bsing you. They may be great bs-artists, which may go over well with students, but I doubt they're really that much naturally better than you.
Teaching's so weird, 'cause there're really so few opportunities to KNOW how other people do. You can visit people's classes. But not every day! And plus, when you're teaching a full load yourself, can you really take on that many visits?
So it's something that occurs in privacy, in a way... and thus there's a lot of mystery around it. To me, anyway. It's a good profession for neurotics, and people adept at assuming everybody else can do it better... cause it's hard to find evidence to the contrary.
But thanks for your comments. I devote too much energy to fretting 'bout it.
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