E-Bay Nailbiter

Heads Up with Venemous Beavers

So yes, most of you who know me know, we've set a date. Most of you who know me know either because I told you on purpose or because you read my blog and I didn't know it when I told someone else who was then perfectly capable of then filling in gaps in your knowledge, meaning I told you in a roundabout sort of way, or else you know because I told you myself only ACCIDENTALLY. In which case you are my brother (whose name is not really) Tony, and we'd been talking for an hour and a half about relationships and I began to sound one of my favorite themes, which is how I learned guilt from mother... which culminated in me saying just a little too much about how I refuse to feel guilty about my non-mom-pleasing wedding plans.

Oops.

I won't tell you when, though, for now.

So one of my NECESSARY JOBS for the past few days has been online retail research, otherwise known as SHOPPING. Getting married's great: suddenly, all kinds of luxuries like facials, pedicures (not that I've ever actually had one, but theoretically, I could), and buying things count as NECESSITIES. When I am procuring these things, especially at a conservative price, I am being PRODUCTIVE.

Or so goes my theory. Anyway, today the past several days of e-tail window shopping finally paid off.

First, I bought this:



Obviously, I got it on E-bay.

Which meant that, since I hadn't paid retail, and since there may be more than one occasion actually to wear a dress in the course of this whole course of events, I also placed a bid on this:



(I know you can't see it very well, but trust me, it's pretty. And different from the other one.)


Now, if you shop Ebay, you know you have to watch the end of auctions for things you REALLY WANT, because people will swoop in at the last moment and scoop the highest-bidder status away from you while you're watching, for example, last Sunday's episode of Carnivale on someone else's Tivo.

But I did not let this happen to me! First of all, I set my maximum bid a little high, certainly higher than the current price. When we left the house, I was sitting pretty with the high bid at $64, a stunningly agreeable price for a silk chiffon dress.

In spite of this, when we got back from Carnivale I went immediately to the computer to check on things, which were just as I'd left them with 25 minutes to go.

Then began the wait. Of course, I was alternating between finding other things to bid on, or at least gawk at, and refreshing the page that continued to show me as the highest bidder.

And so the final five minutes seemed set to elapse.

But since the auction's OVER, and we have the benefit of being able to check out the bid history, let's take a peak at what was going on behind the scenes. Seven days ago, a dress was listed -- re-listed, actually, as it had been listed once before but with a minimum bid of $199. I waited it out, and when the dress was re-listed, it was given no minimum bid and no reserve.

Some character called zoams started things out at $5. I didn't bid then, because I don't like to bid till late in the final day. Why tip your hand? Soon MissBunny took up the torch, and carried up to a still-miniscule $15.

Well, that seven days ago, a dame called Mrsmeeka had planted a seed, the seed of a maximum bid surging thoughtfully up into the sixties. Her maximum wasn't getting much play, though, until yesterday when NinaTwiggy tried to buy into the action, only the be promptly bitchslapped by Mrsmeeka who took it up to the sixties where it stayed for days until I sallied in, this very evening, to place my coy bet.

Like I said, I set the maximum kinda high. But like Mrsmeeka's before me, my maximum was just virtual...

until, with three minutes to go Mrsmeeka checked in and tried to re-raise. JUST THREE MINUTES TO GO, FOLKS. Fortunately my maximum still beat her out, so away she went. No BCBG bone silk chiffon dress for you, Mrsmeeka. I hope it's a comfort to you that I need it for my wedding.

BUT WAIT. Mrsmeeka would not, in fact, be the prime contender, because ALSO with just three minutes on the clock arrived in the ring a new contender, a tall drink of water name of Venemous Beavers.

VENEMOUS. BEAVERS. Yikes.

So with Mrsmeeka checking out at 19:11:39, it was B. and Venemous Beavers heads up, winner takes all. And no dame named Venemous anything, ESPECIALLY Beavers,* was gonna get one over on me. Venemous Beavers? In my wedding dress? I don't think so. Oh, the bitch had drive: her bids came in 19:14:08, 19:14:16, 19:14:25, 19:14:34, and 19:14:42.

I saw her (or, well, I didn't know at the time who it was) barelling down on me, raising and re-raising like she was holding the nuts.

But she wasn't. With my bold initial maximum bid, I had bought myself just enough seconds to see which way the bids were blowing, and get back in there and re-raise my maximum before she could better it.

And I did, folks. Sneaking in just under the wire: my final bid, 19:14:21, bested all three of her later bids. And I did it with great aplomb, and just milliseconds to spare.

Yes. I am that good.




*I have to admit, I might have taken a fall for Venemous Snoopies.