Tumor

I can't believe how fast this thing's growing. It's huge and it seems like it gets huger by the hour.

Mental disjunction. Happy kitty in the yard today, following birds! Eating more than he has in days as I coax him to eat the pain pill wrapped in roasted chicken (I BOUGHT ROASTED CHICKEN), then coax him to his kibbles. Kitty feeling good, being normal.

Kitty tumor growing by the hour, probably by the second. The many blood vessles in the palate so efficient at pumping all those cells around, dispersing.

I've given the cat up for dead but I don't think that I understand that this means he is actually going to DIE. I'm still operating on the feelings of deferred knowing and the idea that the biopsy COULD say something surprising...

Except that on the other hand by Thursday perhaps what began four days ago as a pencil eraser will be the size of a golf ball. CAN THIS REALLY BE HAPPENING THIS FAST? My mind's boggling, I'm still operating on the part of the plan where there are some weeks I get to treat him with meat and he's really happy.